Spaghetti-Day!

Monday, September 15

What is purpose without love?

Completely taken back by how much a life can change in the blink of an eye.
How the sinews of one's heart can twist and tangle to spell a different name.
How a place of uncertainty can become one's home.
How something mortally broken can become whole once again.
How you can burn so brightly.

But something's choose to stay the same.
Like the silent smile that keeps me grounded.
The warm embrace at every utterance of three words.

My head in the crook of your neck, listening to smooth calculated breaths while the world sleeps, is where I have lain my devotion.
Your heart, hallowed, I have made my home.

Posted at 7:09 AM | 0 comments

Monday, July 7

Weirdest things

Falling asleep next to you is the weirdest thing.
It's not like I fall asleep or even forget, it's like I disappear.
I feel so safe and comfortable that my body doesn't need to keep time.

Waking up to you is the weirdest thing.
Especially not knowing what made my sleepy eyes open.
Seeing you fully dressed, ready for work, silently watching over me, seeming to enjoy what little moments we have left before we depart.

Looking you in your eyes in the calm of morning, hearing your low voice whisper confident compliments while running your hand across my back.. these moments..
These are the moments when I remember why you're worth holding on to.

Posted at 6:37 AM | 0 comments

Wednesday, May 21

Duh

I should have known this was going to happen.
I'm beyond naive.

I don't know why I want so badly to be important to you.

Posted at 6:04 PM | 0 comments

Worrrddd

Its so weird that I haven't heard from you in weeks.
I've never had a dream about you until last night, only one ever.
Wake up to a text from you... you wanna see me...
Dreams are weird.

And it sucks knowing I should probably say no, but goddamnit if you're not the shiniest star in the fucking sky.

Posted at 9:08 AM | 0 comments

Sunday, May 4

Why do i care so much

About what other people think of me?
am I really that weak?
I'm running around in the same circles and I can't stop.
I love me for what I see but I hate me for what people see...

I just wish I could find a median.

I wish I didn't feel this way.

But wishing, like praying, has never got me shit.

Posted at 5:02 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, May 3

Health

I don't like the idea of the state my mental health has to be in to start blogging again.
It's been two years.
Two fucking years.
I don't like standing on the edge.

But it's where I built my home...

Posted at 4:02 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, May 1

Here I am again

The bottom of a bottle. The bedrock. The fucking darkness.

There's not light at the end of this tunnel, and even if there was, it's only a break before the next.

I ask myself why do I give a shit, why do I?

But then again, is it so much to ask then to want more for yourself?

Posted at 10:25 AM | 0 comments

Friday, June 10

There is something wrong with my brain this evening.
I'm not sure I can handle this..
But I think to myself that it not close to mattering,
but there's still a void.

I just don't understand, and don't want too.

Posted at 8:49 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, February 19

Ugh.

How long do you need to bug someone you love before they give up and do what you want?
Lol.

Posted at 12:55 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, February 9

The Used - Taste of Ink

Is it worth the can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
We'll drink and dance the night away
We'll drink and dance the night away

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

(As long as you're alive here I am..)

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

Won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there so you can see it
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
So long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this
Savor every moment of this

Posted at 2:15 PM | 2 comments

Tuesday, January 25

Fuck Hamlet.

I have to memorize a soliloquy from Hamlet.
If you commonly read my blog, you probably know I'm pretty fucking pissed.
Ugh.

Posted at 7:31 PM | 0 comments

Monday, January 24

Making a New CD

Have a hard time with this, so I'll try to organize my thoughts here.

1 - Alamo is no place for dancing - The Scene Aesthetic
2 - Close yet far - Cky
3 - The Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie
4 - A Favor House Atlantic - Coheed and Cambria
5 - Wont Back Down - Tom Petty
6 - I Caught Fire - The Used
7 - Lunacy Fringe - The Used
8 - Collide - Howie Day
9 - Blue and Yellow - The Used
10 - Almost - Bowling for Soup
11 - Outside - Staind
12 - Epiphany - Stanid

I give up. I don't really like music as much anymore.

Posted at 1:00 PM | 0 comments

Friday, January 21

Dear Teacher,

I wanted to thank you for your help today, but I also wanted to apologize as well.
I mean I doubt that's how you really want to end your days.
But as for what you said about your wife and her dealing with things like this, I give you complete permission to tell her anything we talked about.
I just know I need some help, and I'm not like embarrassed of anything or anything like that so I'm pretty much open to talk to anyone that can give me answers.
I didn't want to put a huge load on anybody or anything like that, just had to get it out there you know.
Teachers are good people, what you guys do is beyond extraordinary.
Usually it takes kids awhile to realize that, but at some point everyone can see the impact you have on us.

I just want you to know that I look up to you as a teacher and as a person.
It's nice to know that people can devote their lives to something that they feel strongly.
I mean getting diagnosed with diabetes as a child has to be rough, and knowing that you can overcome that and take up in interest in physical education and anatomy is amazing.
It's amazing to know people can experience something so terrible, but use it to teach and inform people is just amazing.
That's what makes me feel better, knowing that there are people like you in this world and that I might be able to use my problems for the greater good someday.
And, I thank you for that as well. Hope.
You didn't let your disability get to you, it made you strong, and I hope that I can do the same.
I know I have potential and my future is bright, I just need to get over this patch.
Not trying to tell a sob story, but I didn't have many positive role models in my life, mostly give-uppers.
So it's nice to know I can go to school and be around people I see as being positive people.

Anyways, I'm rambling.
I just wanted to make sure you knew how important your role is as a teacher, and that you really helped me feel better today.
You're a great role model, and I hope that someday someone will look at me the same way.
Thank you.

Posted at 6:09 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, January 19

I'm too lazy.

Posted at 2:22 PM | 0 comments

Monday, January 17

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

Posted at 11:00 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, January 13

Ughh.

Why be mean when you can just be nice?

Posted at 3:19 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 11

You're gonna be a big big star ♥

Not the kind that you see with all the money and cars,
but the kind where people know your name.
The beautiful kind.

Posted at 4:59 PM | 1 comments

Monday, January 10

If I won the lottery.

If I was to happen to win the lottery (and actually get tons of money) this is what I would do:

(This list is in no order.)

Help out my family, a lot.
Start scholarships for the arts and also academics.
Donate to a buttload of charities that I think are actually doing something.
Start a lending agency nationally for entrepreneurs.
Publish Davlin's book globally, and have it translated into many languages.
Pay off my hospital bills.
Rebuild the town pool.
Sponsor children globally.
Hold community events.
Buy property and rent it out to people for a fair price.
(Maybe just build multiple apartment complexes?)
Buy some new clothes at the Mill Creek Mall.
Buy small business stocks and help boost the economy.
Meet Oprah.
Get a PhD in every profession I ever thought was interesting.
Travel to places I've always wanted to go.. (Arizona (:)
Drop money randomly on the ground while walking.
Treat my nieces to a wonderful princess party.
Open a hospital.
Build something useful.
Give them something to talk about.

Posted at 2:43 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, January 9

Success!

I've died my hair red.
I would put a picture, but I hate taking pictures of myself.

It's not amazing, but it is interesting.

Posted at 4:06 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, January 5

I wish I was a boy.

When I look at girls that are prettier then me, I start feeling really depressed.
It's stupid.
Why am I so obsessed with being awkward.
I don't really want to be around people anyways, so why do I care about them not wanting to be around me?
Maybe it's the fact that people warm up to me and then leave me when I need them the most.
But when do I establish this need factor?
I wish I knew so I could kill it; I hate leaving myself open like that.
I guess it's time to dye my hair again. (That's usually what I do when I feel unsatisfactory.)
I guess something inside me thinks changing my hair will make me feel better about myself.
Most people just wear make-up, but I rock that natural look.
I might just be the only teenage girl that doesn't paint her face on in the morning.
Sometimes I do, but those are usually days when I wake up really early with a blank canvas and noting better to do... But I used to be different.
I used to have friend, and love people.
I used to not feel anxious, and just love a good time.
I used to look pretty and act pretty.
But now I'm nothing, and have no one.
What ever shall I do?..

But I guess the hair will have to do, and here's some pictures you can enjoy: