Tuesday, January 29

Pretty much..
It isn't so funny when your on the receiving end.

Posted at 3:54 AM | 2 comments

Monday, January 28

I knew it.
Well here we go again.

School sucks. Life sucks. Parents suck. God sucks. You suck. I suck. Music sucks. Washington sucks. Eyeliner sucks. People suck. Drugs suck. Animals suck. Nature sucks. This sucks. Rants suck. Blogging sucks. Myspace sucks. Everything sucks.

He's the only thing that doesn't suck.
I think I may be going away for awhile.

Posted at 1:20 PM | 1 comments

Saturday, January 26

Title: None
I had many breakthroughs tonite, and I think I can make it through this one.
It saddens me knowing how shallow I am and how much I want to be this perfect example for everyone.

I realized I am nothing, life is nothing, people are nothing.
Just nothing at all.
The only thing I believe is true is love.
What am I saying love is pretty much a lie too.
-sigh- And this is the world we live in.

rainbowpacifist: haha i guess so.
christian: im pretty tiered i think im going to go to bed
rainbowpacifist: okay.
christian: k, love u
christian: good nite
rainbowpacifist: i love you too <3
rainbowpacifist: goodnight.
christian signed off at 12:13:08 AM.

^ I want to cry, I'm going to miss him. :[

Posted at 8:27 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, January 13

Well I pretty much hate them. My parents treat me like I am a fucking infection. Pretty much they wont eat or drink after me. I don't know why they don't cause my mom says i'm gross so yeah.
Also when they start to speak about me they do not use my name, they only say "her" or "she". That's at the start of a conversation.
So it's like if I hadn't talked about you all day, then I saw someone and was like tell her she's ugly. That's pretty much what it's like.
Let's see what else.. Um I pretty much clean my house everyday, and if you are one of my good friends you know that to be a fact. All they want is more more more and like o weekends when I just chill out and relax they freakout and tell me to do shit cause my mom had to do it. OMFG DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?! My mom and sparky have no fucking lives whatsoever. All they do is go to work, come home, watch tv, eat, and go to bed. EVERY FUCKING DAY! And it's bullshit cause if I don't do one fucking thing I get bitched at.
And the whole hanging out with people situation: I can't hangout with girls becuase my mom is scared I will get in fights, I'm not allowed to hangout with guys with girlfriends cause i might get in fights. I can't really hangout with guys anyways cause my mom thinks i'm a whore and going to get prego. I can't go to people's houses, becuase I'm unsupervised, and I can't go to the mall anymore cause of the fights.
Oh and money. I never ask my parents for money or anything, and when I do the answer is always no. Whenever it's about me and money is involved is fucking WWIII up in here. They hate me I'm telling you.

I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
I want them to die, and I want myself to die.
I hate them.
I hate them.

Posted at 10:45 AM | 1 comments

Saturday, January 12

I went shopping with my Mom today.
I really think we are starting to get closer than we ever have.
I think this is scaring her a lot more than it is me.
Well anyways, I bought some pants right?
They are like size 0 and I was like w0ah.
I never thought I could wear that size, and they look nice too.
I was like okay sweet, lol.

Also today I have decided to call everyone "love", unless they are my elders.
My elders we'll be called Ma'am, and Sir from now on.
Let's see how long this will last.

Posted at 8:11 PM | 3 comments

Friday, January 11

Kim Stolz.
She is pretty much my hero, she was on ANTM, and she's a lesbian.
She was the only sane person in the house, and I think I love her, lol.
You might have seen her in some showssss!

But anyways things have been shitty lately, but I think I don't mind.
I am so crazy, lol.
Have a good day loves.

Posted at 7:44 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 8

Not so bad, eh?
These last couple of days haven't been all bad.
I guess you gotta fail to win right?
I would rather not say why I'm so happy, it's classified information.

Edit; I got a txt message today and it said "i love you too, babe".
It meant a lot to me.

Posted at 5:34 PM | 2 comments

Sunday, January 6

I am a robot.
All day today I have been doing things like they are standard, like I'm programmed to do them.
I don't even give things any thought I just do them.
It's kinda like I'm in the passenger seat.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, and I don't even know if I like it.

Posted at 4:40 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, January 5

A Friend.
and tonite, i feel a little more completed, something in me was filled, all i needed was a friend.

Posted at 1:53 AM | 1 comments

Friday, January 4

My eyes are highlighted brown, and my face is very pale.
I look sick, very sick.
And it's attacking me.

Posted at 7:25 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, January 3

That's exactly what I want. ]:

Edit: I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I can't stop thinking about all the things in the world that depress me. I know, I know I'm just a teenager, but it feels like something more. It feels like this constant sorrow will not go away. I feel very close to a break-down. I don't know what is going to become of me. I have been gaining weight (no I'm not prego, trust me) but what scares me about that is I have been eating a lot less. All I had today was some fries at lunch, and two of those way lo-fat flat cookies that taste like liquorish. The suicidal thoughts are starting to get to me, also. I would never do it, could never do it, I'm to big of a sissy to kill myself. It's still scary though when I'm in the shower and picture myself filling her up, going under, and taking a big deep breath. I don't know what's wrong with me, there is a vital piece of me lost somewhere and I just can't find it. I have no one to turn to, no one that understands... It's just me and lemme tell you, I'm trapped.

Posted at 3:38 PM | 2 comments

Tuesday, January 1

Candy anyone?
Sometimes I wish I was a Piñata.
So when I get beat down, at least someone gets some candy out of it.

p.s. Buy me this camera??

Posted at 10:46 PM | 0 comments

Sobriety is overrated.
Well it's a hap hap happyy ner year.
first time i evr gfot drunk with my momther.
i thought thiss was gfin to be gay,
bur it turned out allrighj.

cant weit for this ters ozzfest.
i am defff going.

Posted at 12:05 AM | 0 comments