I should have known this was going to happen.
I'm beyond naive.
I don't know why I want so badly to be important to you.
Its so weird that I haven't heard from you in weeks.
I've never had a dream about you until last night, only one ever.
Wake up to a text from you... you wanna see me...
Dreams are weird.
And it sucks knowing I should probably say no, but goddamnit if you're not the shiniest star in the fucking sky.
About what other people think of me?
am I really that weak?
I'm running around in the same circles and I can't stop.
I love me for what I see but I hate me for what people see...
I just wish I could find a median.
I wish I didn't feel this way.
But wishing, like praying, has never got me shit.
I don't like the idea of the state my mental health has to be in to start blogging again.
It's been two years.
Two fucking years.
I don't like standing on the edge.
But it's where I built my home...
The bottom of a bottle. The bedrock. The fucking darkness.
There's not light at the end of this tunnel, and even if there was, it's only a break before the next.
I ask myself why do I give a shit, why do I?
But then again, is it so much to ask then to want more for yourself?