Spaghetti-Day!

Spaghetti-Day!

Friday, December 7


Hypocrite? Maybe.
As I was walking home from Ryan's today, I saw some little kids. They where carelessly playing in the snow. I could feel my heart breaking. It seems as if all the simple pleasures of being a child were washed away so long ago. I choked back tears, and took a long hit on my cigarette trying to shake it off, but the feeling still lingered. I couldn't understand how that could depress me so deeply. That's when it hit me. Indeed, I had a pretty desent childhood at times, the sad thing is I can remember the last time I played in the snow. I was 10 years young. Why is this sad you ask? I should have made it last longer. I should have been carelessly playing instead of scrounging for change to have matching socks. I so wish I could have had a nice childhood, but I didn't. I miss being young, I miss it so much I could scream. The look on there little red faces, so meaningful, so careless so... Free. Not brought down by drugs, peer pressure, egos, lost love, and emptyness. I am so envious of what they have. What saddens me the most is, what are they going to turn out like? We all can have a pretty good idea. Look around you. What do you see? Do you see love, worship, self esteem? I don't. I don't at all. The phraise "your born, you live, and you die" is bullshit. There is so much beauty in life. There is so much I wish I could grasp the understanding of, but no. I am sitting here pissin and moaning about what could have been, what is, and what will come. Does it matter to you? Do you feel lost and alone, beat down, and afraid? Do you even care? The mind is such a wonderful, and beautiful thing. So what do we do? We waste it. We waste so much time feeding out ego, and worrying about what someone said about me, or if my hair is to frizzy. Such trivial things that shouldn't matter, but do. To be quite frank, it infuriates me. And I a perfect little speciman? No. I am a hypocrite, and I am a liar, and I am not a pure soul. I am not afraid to say that, because eveyone knows it's true. The most important person you can lie to is yourself. I'm not perfect, in anyway, nor do I want to be. It just pisses me off how everyone is always so petty. I mean damn, why don't you be brave? Why don't you stand up? Look at yourself. Is this you? Or is it who you wish you wouldn't be? Do you really thing that that what your wearing, or your money will matter when you are old, crippled and dying? Nope, it wont. What will matter is the way you lived. When you get older, and have kids, do you want them to be like you? I sure as hell don't and I will not let that happen. What I am trying to say here is life is to precious to be sitting around, wasting away. I'm not telling you to "dance like no one is watching" or anything oddly homosexual like that. I am saying, please, do something. Do something for yourself, be something, be SOMEONE! I don't think you really want to look back and remeber how egotistical, and retarded you once were. This blog is not me preaching to you, nor is it telling you how to live your life. It's just a message of courage from me to you, or maybe it's just food for thought. Take it how you want.

Posted at 1:53 PM | 2 comments